Outlining as a function of my frustration

This morning I checked in at the Emerging Women’s blog and found a nice little post: 50 Ways to Encourage a Woman Leader. Contributor Heather started a list–she had five items–and then sent it out in to the ether for us to comment on.

By the time I got there, I think I was commenter #10. I added about 4 items to the list. Tonight we have more than 30 items.  By the end of the weekend I’m sure we will have finished a nice 50-point list in collaboration.

Now, please don’t misread what I’m about to say, but I would submit that if a man had originated that post, he would have started with 50 items on his list. As I drove to my lunch meeting with the members of my masters committee, it struck me that men (in general–I’m a subscriber to the difference theory of feminism) think hierarchically. Women, on the other hand (again, in general), think more  heterarchically. We want to spread things out, put our ideas out for collaborative response, share our blog spaces, generate community.

And there is the rub. I have to create an outline for this book, and soon. I have NEVER liked or excelled at outline creation. I tend to organize in a more (yes, I’m going to say it) organic fashion. So I’m scouring the web for software that will allow me to brainstorm in the manner most suited to my very large brain and coming up a bit short. Suggestions would be great…the next step is to begin hand writing ideas on sticky notes and pasting them all over the wall. I’d prefer to keep it paperless.

Communities of power?

I found this interesting quote in my current reading:

” The ability to create, maintain, control space (whatever we call it–virtual, nonplace, networld) links us to notions of power and necessarily to issues of authority, dominance, submission, rebellion, and cooptation, notions Etzioni established as primary criteria and concerns of community. ” (emphasis mine; Cybersociety, “Information, Internet and Community,” Jones, Steven C., 1998)

I had to find out who this Etzioni was who established that the primary criteria of community included such things as dominance, submission and power!  According to his own web site, he is the ‘guru’ of the communitarian movement. Now I need to know what that is.

The word itself was first used in the 1840s to describe people who chose to live in communal (communistic) societies. The modern ‘reworking’ of the word doesn’t really change it at all, but puts a new spin on the same old tired communist dogma by including ancient rhetorical undertones, such as claims that “values and beliefs exist in public space, in which debate takes place (Communitarianism, wikipedia.org).” It seems quite logical to me that the authors dealing with this form of community, in which we only have value (as the ancient Athenians believed) in the public forum, are all male.

Where are the spaces in which women make meaning? Yes, we are in the public forum (and rightly so), but I don’t think many of us really believe that we are creating any sort of real community in those spaces. I believe it must begin with our own, very different set of criteria for community. What does that list include?

The Architecture of Communication Spaces

Do the spaces we inhabit influence how–or even if–we communicate? This is part of what I’m going to look at in my book, moving specifically from physical architecture to the building of the internet, and then looking at how women use those spaces differently than men.

So I have an inkling that when “civilization” began, mostly marked by the construction of common spaces, that men were able to wrest some of the communal control that had long been the domain of women in many societies. Technology became (and remained) the domain of men. Why? And how did building a space such as the council chamber in the Agora in ancient Athens impact on the governance of that city (and others like it)? Did women give up their roles, agree to their oppressed roles, or simply ignore men (as many modern feminist writers claim) and go on with their own literacies and conversations and governance in spite of what the men did in their boys’ clubs?

My major professor has given me a list of articles to start on, but I’m open to other ideas, books, references and resources of any kind. If you have ideas, post them here! I’m just getting started, but I’m excited about the journey.

And one more thing

It looks like I’ll be writing a book for my masters program (instead of trying to fight the men of Emergent for a web site) so I will likely publish ideas, chapters and parts of chapters, outlines, etc., here. I would love any feedback I might receive.

So…I’m back!

Wow, how crazy is the life online. I have so many passwords (see my earlier post!) I couldn’t keep track and this one just drifted away. Today I entered every combination of every password I can remember having and finally found my way back to my little spot here.

I’m working again, trying to navigate my way through the church scene. This is cool. This summer I saw a cool commercial that I originally thought might be for a tattoo parlor–it’s people telling why they have body art: because it hurts, because it’s expressive, etc. Then the word “pierced” flashes on the screen, overlaid atop a picture of a crucifix. Wow! That was cool. I started googling the church mentioned in the commercial, but couldn’t find it.

Time went by and I finally felt as though I was ready to go back to work. I let my mentor know and in a few weeks he passed along the name of a church that needed a worship leader.

The whole process went very quickly, and in a couple of weeks, I was up front leading a praise team again. On my second Saturday night (yep, we have Saturday services), the pastor had the computer guy show a “video” that turned out to be THAT COMMERCIAL! I work for the church that I tried to google this summer! Leading worship, even with its attendant challenges and struggles, brings me joy.
Whatever God has in store for us, it includes joy now. It includes contentment now. It includes fulfillment now. God’s dreams for us are not just about a future life after death but about having a real life now. Do you let Him dream those dreams for you? Are you really living?

Ode to the password

Ah, security,
Lifeline of online life,
Memory of a dozen phrasesnumberswordlets

And which is thine, oh blog?
Which combination opens your hallowed halls?

I struggle
Angst-ridden
Against your marble facade
Hoping for the right magic key

Four months I’ve banged my fist against that marble wall
And suddenly–
Ah, success!

Taize

Tuesday night I went to a Taize service at a local Lutheran church, sponsored by an Episcopalian church, and with musicians from as many as six different denominations. I have been missing the experience of God. This was a wonderful reminder of why I believe.

To me, the most interesting part of the service was the first Silence. Each Silence lasted for 10 minutes–interspersed with music, readings and prayers, there was time for only two. The first one started out well, but quickly deteriorate. Americans can not be silent! We can’t be still. We can’t let go of our brains or our control or our humaness, something. Papers rustled. Musicians changed their music. Couples talked. People came and went, banging the door behind them. It became an exercise in finding ways to be anything BUT silent!

I’ve been thinking ever since of our seeming inability to simply wait on God. Barring that, doesn’t a few moments of quiet contemplation or meditation fuel the soul and calm the heart? Having practiced a 10-minute period of silence at a recent conference in which we were prepared–sit up straight, get comfortable, find a word in the reading or service upon which to meditate–I found the absolute silence of nearly 50 women to be envigorating! And perhaps having a discussion about the upcoming Silence in a Taize service defeats the purpose, but it seems that if I use these techniques in worship in the future, I will find a blend of the two.

All the same, when we reached the prayers spoken aloud, the beauty of the music, prayers, readings and, yes, even Silence, had moved me to a place I haven’t been in quite some time. I was able to pour my prayers out to God in a way I have been missing. I wept in The Presence for the first time in some months. Ah, beautiful cleansing! Beautiful worship!

Post-Easter

Someone will find that title funny…everything is post-something these days. But if you know me, then you know that it has a bittersweet connotation this morning.

I don’t really know what to write. I just feel that I should. I’m excited to have a chance to visit some churches that I never get to visit when I’m working. That will be fun and, I hope, relaxing…although I know I will begin to get “itchy”. My heart is in the ministry.

Well, it’s raining in Albuquerque…the perfect post-Easter for me this year. But, being a desert girl, a little rain can go a long way to improving my mood–especially if it gets sunny tomorrow.

Back it up

Just a short note. Yesterday, thinking I was dumping a shortcut icon, I deleted my entire Document folder. There is no Auto Restore, but I’m smart enough to know how to BACK UP!!! Look, if someone like me can pull a stupid stunt like this, anyone can. Hope this will serve as a little reminder!

Book List Game

Here’s how you play. Take a look and see which ones you’ve read. Then, if you’re a blogger, post it on your blog. If you play, leave me a comment so that I can come visit!
Here’s what you do:
* Bold the ones you’ve read (it’s hard to tell on mine, so I’m also putting an asterisk in front of the number).
* Italicize the ones you want to read.
* Leave in normal text the ones that don’t interest you.
* Put in ALL CAPS those you haven’t heard of.
* Put a couple of asterisks by the ones you recommend.

*1. The DaVinci Code (Dan Brown)(does it still count if I was too bored to finish?
*2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)**
*3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)**
*4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
*5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien) **
*6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien) **
*7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien) **
*8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)**
9. OUTLANDER (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A FINE BALANCE (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A PPRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone(Rowling)
17. FALL ON YOUR KNEES (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
*18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
*20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
*21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)**
*22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
*23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)**
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. LIFE OF PI (Yann Martel)
*26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
*27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
*28. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)**
*29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
*31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
*33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
*34. 1984 (Orwell)
*35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
*36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. THE POWER OF ONE (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I KNOW THIS MUCH IS TRUE (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. THE ALCHEMIST (Paulo Coelho)
*41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. THE KITE RUNNER (Khaled Hosseini)
43. CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
*45. The Bible **
*46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
*47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. SHE’S COME UNDONE (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible(Barbara Kingsolver)
*52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
*54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
*55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. THE STONE ANGEL (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment(Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
*62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)**
*63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65. FIFTH BUSINESS (Robertson Davies)
66. ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF SOLITUED (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)
*68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
*69. Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)**
*70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)**
71. Bridget Jones’s Diary (Helen Fielding)
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
*75. The Secret Garden(Frances Hodgson)**
*76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)*********
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
*78. The World According to Garp (John Irving)
79. THE DIVINERS (Margaret Laurence)
*80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)**
81. NOT WANTED ON THE VOYAGE (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
*83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
*84. Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
*85. Emma (Jane Austen)
*86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. THE STONE DIARIES (Carol Shields)
89. BLINDNESS (Jose Saramago)
90. KANE AND ABEL (Jeffrey Archer)
91. IN THE SKIN OF A LION (Michael Ondaatje)
*92. Lord of the Flies (William Golding)
*93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. THE OUTSIDERS (S.E. Hinton)
97. WHITE OLEANDER (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy(James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)